Good Enough
by TeenageStarlet
Summary: Femslash. ElliePaige. Don't Suck Read And Review! :)
1. Good Enough

GOOD ENOUGH  
  
Disclaimer-This is my 1st Degrassi fanfic...and my 3rd fanfic, so be nice and please review. I do not own Degrassi, or anything dealing with it...I am from the US, how could I own something so cool?...it is owned by Canada  
  
As I walk into homeroom I see you there, talking and laughing with your friends. The ones that would never accept me. You don't notice me. Of course you don't. I'm invisible to you, unless it's to make comments about me to entertain yourselves. I know you would never lower yourself to even talk to me, as it might hurt your precious image. If you hate me now, what would you think if I, Ellie Nash, told you that I was in love with you? What are the chances the biggest freak in Degrassi falling in love with the head cheerleader? I know its odd, but so is love. I really believe that love is blind to everything; race, gender, social status. I know you will most likely never feel the same way. I can't help that I fall in love with those that bring me pain. Of course I have always been one to like pain. You think I am a freak, a loser. I will never be enough for someone like you to be friends with. Not pretty enough, not good enough...nothing. You make me feel inferior. You don't think I hear your comments as I walk past you in the hall, but I do, and it kills me. I am an observer. I watch whats going on. I know how you act with your friends, I watch how you glow when something or someone makes you happy. It depresses me to know that that someone will never be me. Maybe one day I will put my pride aside for once and talk to you.  
  
When I see you have accepted Ashley back into your clique, it excites me. This may be what I need; a way into the life of Paige Michalchuk. I go near you whenever I can, try to put my hand on your shoulder...horrible, I know. Standing by you makes me feel a little better about myself. When you caught me cutting one day, it was kind of what I had been hoping for a year. I wanted your attention, and I got it. I didn't mean to get it that way, but it worked. I tried acting like I didn't care about you caring about me...but I did. When you touched my arm, it was a dream come true. If only it could have been because you loved me, and not because you were pretending to care. As I fall asleep, I imagine that you are there holding me, and that everything is okay. That for once in my life, I am happy.  
  
A week ago I called you to see if you want to hang out, no you are too busy. A few days later I called, and you didn't pick up the phone or respond to my instant messages. Yesterday I passed you a note asking for the last time, of course you were still busy. The year is comming to an end, I know you will be away all summer and I am too afraid to ask you now, I don't want to have to switch schools again. All summer I will be miserable waiting to see you again and to hear your voice. I keep playing the scene over and over in my mind of what will happen when I tell you. I am afraid I will not be able to do it.  
  
The first day of school comes; grade eleven. I am feeling incredibly nervous and very stressed out, so i walk into the washroom looking for a place to be alone, so I can cut. There you are standing by the sink fixing your make-up. I don't know what to do. Should I make small talk? Tell you my true feelings? Maybe just take one look in the mirror and leave? So, I make a little small talk and then ask you to meet me in the basement by the elevator during lunch. You give me an odd look, but you say yes.  
  
I wait by the elevator, knowing very well that you will never show up. Just as I reach into my bag to pull out my compass, you appear in front of me. At that moment I decide to tell you what I had been feeling for two years, then I try to leave before I could be rejected. Instead of freaking out, you stop me and pull me into a giant hug, and then hold me for what seems to be forever. In the end, maybe I am good enough. 


	2. True Colours

After the whole confession, Paige and I talked, for a while not about anything of subtance Then when the bell rang we went to class. Later that day when I went to my locker i found a note, prefectly folded, with my name on it. So I hurried up and went to my next class so i would have time to read it. "After school. My house, 867 DeGrassi Street".

3:00PM I get out of school. I check the note to be sure I was actually reading that Paige wanted me to come to her house, and that it was not just a mirage. When I get there I am a little shaky, afraid to go in. I finally get enough courage to knock on the door, Paige answers and tells me to come in. We go up into her room, which is perfect. Perfectly decorated, perfectly cleaned and it was so much bigger than my tiny bedroom.

We sit down on her bed and we being to talk. "Listen Ellie. I am sorry. I know Hazel and I have said every mean thing possible about you and to you. It must really hurt you. In reality, You are much cooler than I am. You are yourself no matter what. I am basically just a mirage. Everything about me is fake. I would be myself, but I am afraid of the rejection. I am afraid of loosing my friends and no longer being the most popular girl at Degrassi Community School, but I guess if I have you then thats all that matters right?" Wow. Did Paige really say all that? I must be hallucinating.

"I am like you in a lot of way you know...the cutting..." she trailed off, looking like she was about to break down at that moment. I watched as Paige slowly rolled up the sleeves to her blouse. Scars and cuts twisted up her perect pale skin. I held her arm and lightly stroked it just as she did to me the year before. I then lean in and kiss her, to my suprise she returned the kiss. It was the best moment of my not so great life. That night I went home and slept the best nights sleep in my entire life.


	3. Time After Time

The start of the second day of my junior year. I was clam for once, everything was going to be great. I put on my hottest outfit, Paige and I had a "date" after school I wanted to impress her. School went by, boring as usual, teachers voices droning in and out of my head all day. All I wanted to do was get out of there and get into Paige's car.

After school I walk down the steps and Paige calls me over. Her car is really nice, except then I see that Dylan is in the drivers seat, must be his car. Anyways, we climb into the back and then pull out of the parking lot. We hold hands in the car on the way to her house.

When we get inside and into her room, we once again sit on her bed to talk. "Paige, are we a thing?" I say. I wait nervously for her reply.

"If you want us to be, I know I really like you. I'm just really not ready to tell anyone yet...not because of you though." She said

"I can keep it a secret, I totally understand. Also about what you showed me last night, I won't tell anyone."

We talked untill about ten when I fell asleep. I just felt so calm, relaxed, and loved. At about eleven Dylan came into Paige's bedroom and woke me up. He told me that because it was a school night he better drive me home, so my parents didn't worry. Yeah right, my parents worry. My dad is off in the middle east and my mom is passed out on the couch, yup they are really worried.

So, I let him drive me home.When we get there I see my mom is already up and looking out the downstairs window. "Eleanor! Get over here now!" I hear as I walk into my house. I try to explain what happened but its of no use. She starts hitting me over and over, untill finally I pass out from the beating. Sometime in the middle of the night I woke up and dragged myself to my room when I got a horrible nights sleep.

The next day at school, I got a ton of weird looks, possibly because I was wearing a light blue henley and a pair of jeans, trying to look more like Paige, but probably because of the bruises that decorated my face. I went to my locker trying not to be noticed, when I felt two hands pinch my sides, I jumped and turned around. It was Paige, she took one look at me and dragged me into the washroom.

After I had explained what happened to my face she pulled me into another one of her hugs, then she asked why I was dressed like that. "I just don't want you to quit liking me because I am not 'normal'" I said.

"Ellie, you don't have to change to impress me, I like _you_ Ellie...not a preppy version of you" Paige replied. She kissed me, hard on the lips I returned it.

"Tonight, you're staying over...actually just stay the whole weekend. I'll have my mom call your mom, so you won't have to go back, at least for a couple days anyway" she said. This might just be what I need.


	4. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

That weekend was the best weekend ever. I absolutly adore Paige's family. So different from mine, upbeat energetic, conscious and in the same part of the world. They talked to me, asked about my day. Dinner Friday night was totally different from anything I had ever expierence before. I felt like I was part of a normal family for once.  
  
After dinner, Paige and I went into downtown Toronto. We had the most fun I have ever expierenced in my life. That night we talked and told each other everything, all our deepest secrets, to random thoughts that popped into our heads. She held me as I slept, my dreams were comming true.  
  
On Saturday I woke up, Paige gave me a kiss good morning and we climbed out of bed. Breakfast was actually on the table that morning. We ate as a family, I had never done that before. Paige and I went shopping, she was so sweet, getting me all kinds of clothes and jewelry. It must be nice to have that kind of money, I am still wearing tops from like grade seven, but what do I expect, my mom spends all our money on booze. After our shopping trip we went to her house and tried on each others clothes, trust me Paige should definately stick with the prep look, but I pull that look off too.  
  
After another family dinner, we went to her room. She massaged my back, it felt so good, I could feel the bond between us growing. I rolled onto my back, she leaned over we started kissing. We passionately made-out for at least half an hour, when she got off of me she starred into my eyes, and told me that she loved me. It was the first time anyone had ever said that to me. I started crying, she pulled me into a loving embrace and stroked my head as I fell asleep.  
  
A/N-Chapter 5 (The Last Chapter) is done, but I won't post it untill I get more reviews So PLEASE review :) 


	5. I'm Gonna Be Strong

Sunday night I returned home. My mom was sitting on the couch, when I went over to talk to her she told me to go into my room and wait. About five minutes later she came in, she started beating me over and over again. All I wanted was to be back with Paige, to feel safe...loved.

I pretended to pass out from the beating, my mom left and got drunk. I sat up, went into my desk drawer, pulled out my protractor and cut. After I did it I felt a pang of guilt. Wasn't my body in enough pain...I guess not.

Once I was sure my mom was passed out in her room, I packed a bag, then I carefully crept down the stairs and out the door. I started running to Paige's house as fast as I could, I felt bad it was past midnight and we had school the next day. When I got there I was actually afraid to knock. I slowly raised my hand up, tears running down my face, I knock on the door. I wait about 2 minutes, and the door slowly opens. It's Paige. I fell into her arms crying.

She gingerly lifted me up and put me on the couch. She started studying my bruises realizing that my mother had beaten me and that was why I was upset. She went into the kitchen and a minute later she came out with an ice pack,...some rubbing alcohol and a band-aid? She gently put the ice pack on my cheek, where my mom had hit the hardest. Then she lightly picked up my left arm and slipped off my arm warmer. She took the rubbing alcohol and cleaned out the fresh cut. Then, she applied the band-aid to it. I was totally amazed, she knew...I hadn't even mentioned it.

The next morning I woke up, realizing that I wasn't at home. Paige was not in bed next to me or anywhere in her room. I started to panic a little bit and then I heard the water running, good thing I took my shower the night before or this may have been a problem. After we got ready to go to school, we went downstairs for breakfast. Her mother asked me what happened, after I explained what happened she told me I could stay with them for however long I needed. Why couldn't I have a mother like Paige has? At least I have Paige, and her family is willing to take me in untill my dad comes home.

That afternoon, when we got out of school we went "home". We went up to her room and started kissing. A minute into it her mom walked in, I was terrified, but I had no reason to be. Her mom just gave us a hug and told us thats what she figured was going on. I don't know why I was worried in the first place Dylan is gay, so they have to be okay with it.

The nest day at school Paige and I decided to be brave and not to hide anymore. We walked into first period holding hands which got a few aww's and even more strange looks. At some point in the day Paige rolled up the sleeves of her light purple top to reveal her scars. There wasn't going to be anymore hiding from then on. We decided that we were going to be who we were and if anyone didn't like it then they weren't worth it.


End file.
